Despite reaching a healthy weight (changing on the outside), nothing had changed on the inside. No one had a remedy for the thoughts and beliefs that still plagued me. During the years of seeing the psychologist, I had been given a list of affirmations to read, such as “I am a good person.” After reciting this list a few times I thought, “Who wrote this? They don’t know me. I don’t believe this.” And I stopped.
I was convinced that I would continue living in the prison of my mind, trapped, for the rest of my life. I could not get free. I had no answers. And I had no hope. I had gained the required weight, everyone was happy. But I was miserable.
For various reasons, toward the end of high school I made the shocking decision to quit ballet. Soon thereafter, a classmate invited me to a Bible study. Reluctantly, I said yes. The first thing the other students asked was, “Are you a Christian?” I replied that yes, I was a Christian; I was a good person. They proceeded to share the Gospel with me: all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. He died, was buried, and rose again. He is alive and if you place your faith in Christ, knowing that you are a sinner and need a Savior, you can be saved. They asked, “Do you want to ask Jesus to be your Savior?” I immediately said yes and became a child of God that day in the mid 1990s.
Sadly, I did not seek to grow in my faith. That was not the case, however, when I went to college: God was drawing me. I sought out a campus ministry and became involved in a local church whose love for & commitment to college students changed my life forever.
My hunger for God exploded. I could not get enough of His Word & wanted nothing more than to serve Him. Yet, the effects of the eating disorder continued to plague me. For more than eight years, its lies held me prisoner. One Sunday after service, I asked for prayer. The pastor replied, “You need to know your identity in Christ.” I didn’t know what that meant. It was the first time I had heard those words.
Little did I know, it would be the start of true healing and lasting freedom…